Ever Been Pissed At God?

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I was at the Drinks For Drinks Benefit with Herding Cats tonight for Charity Water and all I could think about was the question, “Have you ever been pissed At God?”

I know weird. Here I am at one of the most inspiring events I’ve ever been to and I’m thinking about how easy it is to blame God for well, most everything.

I have. Matter of fact, more than once  been pissed at God…

I was pissed the day my mom died- when I was in my 20′s.

I was pissed the day all the trust evaporated from my16 year marriage.

I was pissed the day a plane crashed with 4 people I loved in it.

I was pissed the day my partners daytrading experience wiped out our friendship and our assets.

I was pissed the day my daughter moved out and didn’t talk to me for a year.

I was pissed the day the Christian school I’d been writing checks to for over a decade,  kicked my son out when he started heading in the wrong direction

I was pissed the day, a year and half later, when I agreed to have my son taken to the wilderness for 58 days to get free from his addiction.

I was pissed the day I realized I couldn’t get re-married  because the man I loved,  loved vodka more than sobriety.

I was pissed the day I realized that the social venture I’d launched wasn’t going to succeed.

I was pissed the day my knee blew out and I lost running- forever.

I’ve been pissed at God- a lot…

Very rarely do those of us in business or life for that matter take off our masks long enough to share the reality of our lives, let alone our faith. Sorry, but it’s not pretty…

You see, in case you’ve missed my back story.  I’ve failed at most everything that ever mattered to me. And I’ve lost everything I’ve ever cared about at one time or another. And during many of those moments I wrestled with God and my faith.

Wow, just the coach and consultant you want to hire right? That’s exactly why most people don’t share the back side of their resume. But any one that works with me knows both my front and back story. I learned along time ago, the sooner you embrace who you really are ;the sooner you can get over your sorry, self and when you do that; all things really are possible.

Yes; I’ve hit a home run or two; I built and sold a multi-million dollar business and there have been other bright spots (thank goodness).   But tonight I was thinking about being really honest. And the honest truth is that there have been many, many days  in my life where I felt as  empty as a college keg on a Sunday morning…

Over the years, the thing that has kept me afloat amidst the white water of my life has been faith. Period. Nothing else accounts for the fact I’m still here…

As mad as I’ve been at myself, others and yes even  God, somehow I’ve kept wrestling, arguing and engaging with my Creator.  Even when, all I wanted was for a  dump truck to roll over my poor, sad ass.

I’ve always loved God and yet I don’t love all the weirdness attached to God, Jesus or the church.  I’ve never loved or even liked  people that bomb abortion clinics. Matter of fact, I think they’re  terrorist.  And further more, the idea that the man with the blow horn preaching hell and damnation on the corner is even remotely connected to the God I call love, repulses me. I’ve walked out of churches bawling because of insensitive pastors spewing judgmental words about divorce, and the like.  I’ve watched private Christian institutes blow children’s lives up because the school is so scared of  graduating imperfect alumni. Most churches don’t attract me rather they repel me with their inclusive, all tied up in their underwear fighting while the world goes to hell in a hand basket.

And yet, I can’t look at the mountains and not sense the  master designer. I can’t sit across from a stranger and not be captivated by the miracle of life. I can’t listen to the waves crashing on the shore and not hear the still whisper of  faith. And even though 1 billion people are without clean water  I still believe in the possibility of faith and love.

As I stood at the Drinks For Drinks concert tonight to benefit Charity Water I witnessed the awesomeness of Eastlake Community Church and was reminded of what is possible with God, faith and yes Jesus.

Most of you know that I’m not really into concerts. I’m technically tone deaf and my kids , have asked I never sing in public. I read. I write. I think. I facilitate. I don’t sing and well, I might just be the only 40+ year old who doesn’t have an Ipod.

What I saw tonight was pure passion. Pure good. Pure faith in action.  Not only was the event out of the ordinary;  beer, wine and hard rock in a church auditorium all in benefit for  people who are currently drinking mud.

But there was more. As I watched the drummer of the band, The Herding Cats I couldn’t get over the passion and the showmanship. It was such a demonstration of living in one’s giftedness,  in one’s sweet spot.

Drinks for Drinks  gave witness to what is possible when ‘good’ holds hands, when community comes together.  The Charity Water benefit proved Martin Luther’s belief, love is the only force that can overcome hate and light overcomes darkness.

Drinking mud is darkness, people. We must rise up. We must be light.

If the numbers are right EastlakeCC raised over $300,00 dollars for Charity Water in the weeks and months following the concert.

I don’t often talk about my faith here on this blog. My goal is to live my beliefs not talk about them.  Actually I find people who talk about faith altogether too often ego maniac, narcassist’s using their  God mask to deceive me. Sorry, but I’ve grown skeptical, maybe you have to?  And so here today I hear God whispering. Choose. Do what you will with your one incredible life.

If you want to join my team, join me. I am light. Care for the uncared for. Feed the hungry. Love the unlovable. If not. I love you anyways. Matter of fact; I created you in love and you cannot escape it, no matter how pissed you are; it doesn’t change love.

God isn’t mad at you- even if you’re mad at him.

And believe me he’s big enough to hear your every gripe and  complaint. And when you’re done complaining; like me, you might just find, quite to your surprise there are many, many reasons to believe.

Light overcomes darkness my friend. And good; well it’s on a march. How about joining us and lighting up this world?

Thanks  Drinks for Drinks. Charity Water. Jeff Rogers. Ryan Meeks. Eastlake Community Church. You are light for the world…

Pam Hoelzle

Seattle Business Coach

Learn more about me here

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