Talking is not Relating; Get Over Yourself…( Pam)


If you don't stand for something you're likely to fall for anything."Is the line to a country song that speaks to this whole idea that is spinning around my head right now. You see I mostly write about that which I want to understand and am still curious about and learning. So this morning after my gratitude list I reminded myself, "Relate, connect, be, listen; today: PAM!"

Later in the shower the line came, 'Talking is not relating. Noise is not Communication. Silence is not necessarily suppose to be filled with words…"

This blog is inspired by the people I meet and the entrepreneurs I am blessed to team with, my friends, family and yes my insatiable, curious self and my connection to what I call God. You see I think I'm on a mission here on planet earth.

My mission is to: DO GOOD: WELL! To leave every life a little better off, to make a difference, to as Bill Gates Senior said at this week's Hopelink event, 'Show up, and keep showing up." I truly believe I'm here to reflect back to everyone I meet their own greatness, miraculousness and to resource them in any way I can to realize their utmost potential – to help them also DO GOOD: WELL!

Yesterday I was sitting in downtown Kirkland with bright Tech, Microsoft Partner Specialist Jeff Shuey and we talked about what we are both learning in the game of relating, communicating and becoming known and knowing those who matter to us.

Thanks Jeff for a great conversation and so that I don't forget the lessons we outlined in our time together – as I am still learning all of this- here's my reminder list to myself…What do you think? Have some to add?

Talking is Not Relating.

Words are not communication.

Silence is sometimes preferable. ( When your with me- remind me!)

More is not always better.

WE don't care how much you know, till we know how much you care.

Mental clutter dumped on other people is; COMMUNICATION ABUSE.

I don't need to know how you came to every one of your decisions, matter of fact my brain is so full of my own life if you dump all your mental clutter on me I most likely will hurt you. Don't mental dump on anyone it's not nice!

Pace matters. If someone's eyes are glazing over you might want to slow down, take a breath or ask a question.

It's not about you stupid. NO one and I mean no one want's to be talked AT.

Relating is two way; it's a give and take. You must receive; listen and give; talk.

Words are only 15% of communication!

Tell your body silly. I want to see your message in your body- especially if your in front of me. If your words are serious and your laughing, if your laughing and your words are serious I will be confused as hell. ( I know I can't really blame this on you but I might try)

Pace. Matters. Brains connect. The more complex or new the content is the slower you must talk so that us ignoramuses can let our left brain find some prehistoric connection to help us make sense of your brilliance. Embrace you brilliance but when extremely excited or brilliant; slow down.

Listen. Watch. Do you have connection.

Show up; Be here; Be here NOW. Stop living in your brain. Let go of ego and get off the hamster wheel of what if, yesterday and tomorrow. Life is here in this precious moment and if your not here mind, body and soul you are missing out- BIG TIME!

Content. Matters.

Space. When you put silence around words it's like double, triple exclamation marks. It accentuates what is said. What pace is comfortable for the person you are communicating with- remember relating is about connecting with the other person. Stop thinking about your message or yourself; silly!

Sometimes what YOU DON"T SAY is more important than what you do say. Please tell me this the next time I say too -much!

Talking, conversing is not persuasion or word feed. Show up embracing your brilliance don't come to the conversation with the faulty belief that you have to prove your brilliance or make me understand you. Especially me. I want to connect with you an

Mostly I am reminded that life is art; make it magical. Make it everything you ever dreamed of. Embrace your brilliance and show up in relationships with your whole mind, body and spirit ready to relate and connect in a way that forever leaves you and the other person (s) transformed, better…

Do Good: WELL and

Remember Talking is not relating; Get over yourself!

3 Responses to “Talking is not Relating; Get Over Yourself…( Pam)”

  1. Ross Simmonds

    When I read the quote “WE don’t care how much you know, till we know how much you care.” – My heart skipped a beat. That right there is what its all about. When it comes down to it; someone can know everything there is to know about lets say wine…but if they aren’t passionate about it like say – Gary Vaynerchuk – then no one is really going to listen or let alone care.
    Behind every great success story is the story of a character chasing their dream while pursuing their passion.
    Great Post Pam – Definitely got the wheels turning upstairs.

  2. Jeff Shuey

    Great post Pam. I really enjoyed our conversation. It will not be the last. One thing you do very well is that you speak volumes in what you DON’T say. A skill I need to practice more often.
    As I tweeted the other day — I took what we discussed and pared it down to “Pace – Space – Embrace” and I’m working on a blog post about our conversation too.
    Thank you again for your time and insight. I truly appreciate your words of wisdom.

  3. Pam Hoelzle

    Jeff- and Ross-
    Thanks. Words matter. But since communication is 80% non verbal so do emotions,intonation, body language,inflection,tone, and a host of other items. We are all hungry to know and be known- here’s to stepping into the true intersection of relating and not just talking! Thanks for your input you are helping me better understand how to relate….